I CAN'T STOP, HELP!

I was just asking my beloved about what to post today and he simply said, “I can’t stop, help!” I thought it was a good and catchy title so I quickly had to delve into the library of mind to find the perfect story to fit this title. Fortunately, I remembered a very personal story a friend shared with me and of course with her permission I have decided to share it here because I think it is something that most people can relate to (well, if you can’t relate, you can surely take lessons from it).

It is certainly a fact that the world we live in now isn’t how it used to be. Times are changing, the way we do things are changing and so much more. However, there is nothing new under the sun. Therefore the challenges and problems we are facing or going through has happened sometime in history but probably not in the same manner as you are going through. In this same vein, whatever you are going through someone elsewhere is also going through a similar situation. So why am I blabbering so much about all these? It is not in my interest to bore you or stir up suspense but simply because we tend to mostly think that we are the only ones going through an issue and that is exactly how this friend of mine felt until she confided in me.

“I remember very well in Junior High, Facebook was really on. All my classmates were there and they always talked of the interesting things they did and saw there. This heightened my interest in joining this social media and eventually I did. Wow! The experience was great, I tell you. Day after day I found myself spending more and more time and money at internet cafes ( I had no smart phone then.) I realized I was spending too much money (not even considering the time factor) so I pressured my parents to get me a smart phone and by second year in high school I was a proud owner of a Samsung galaxy pocket. I made many friends on Facebook and I was enjoying every minute of the time I spent there. I was a smart kid and so it didn’t really affect my grades just in case you’re wondering. On one fateful day I got a pop up on Facebook about ‘finding the perfect guy’. I clicked on it and what I saw was a shock of my life. I was led to a pornographic site. I was so scared, so frightened, so curious-it was just a mixture of feelings. I quickly closed the site because morally, I knew very well that it wasn’t right. Weeks after this incidence, I used to get these tendencies of re-visiting the site. The images I saw used to play in my head like flashes and they made me want to go back to watch it all the more. To cut the long story short, I was watching it every time I felt I needed something to excite me or turn me on. Each time after I had watched it, I felt so disgusted and so sinful because here is a Christian child engaging in an act which I knew very well was displeasing to God. I got tired of it and prayed to God for forgiveness but I never spoke a word about it to anyone. In a few weeks I found myself doing it again and still feeling guilty and going back to God and repeating this cycle over and over again. It halted when I got to senior high due to the fact that I was in a boarding school and the use of phones was prohibited. This made me think that finally I was out of this. I focused more on my walk with God while in school and became an executive of a Christian group well known in school. Fast forward to university. I came to university with the full vim of a strong Christian and nothing could come in between God and me. I started getting addicted to reading romantic novels and watching romantic movies. I would send the story line into my dreams and create an image of any guy I was crushing on living that story. Eventually, I got back to watching porn and masturbating. My relationship with God started straining and it was more and more growing apart by the day. I felt that my prayers were not being answered and that God was tired of me-He was fed up with me and that really took a toll on me. I got depressed. I couldn’t confide in anyone and this was eating me up so bad. I knew that I needed help but I didn’t know how to seek it because i was scared of how I would be judged if I told anyone (after all, I was a staunch Christian in people’s eyes). In the middle of one night I cried to God to send me a helper. To summarize everything, I mustered the courage to talk to someone and I am very happy to say that I am out of this bondage and God actually forgave me even before I committed this sin way back on the cross.”
 

This story of my friend is nothing new and I know that some of us can actually relate. It made me understand the fact that God is never tired of forgiving us when we go wrong. You might certainly be going through an addiction or affliction which is eating you up. You want to break free but it looks like a herculean task- nearly impossible to. You feel ‘wasted’, you feel rejected, you feel that you’re hell bound…no more of such feelings! It’s time to talk to God to help you and trust me that He will. His love knows no bound and is limitless. I shall touch on the process of breaking free in the next post. In the meantime I shall end with the lyrics of Cory Asbury’s ‘Reckless love’

“Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. It chases me down, fights till I’m found, and leaves the 99…” See you all next week and much love.